The Pandemic of Insecurity
A girl continuously checks her phone to see if the boy she's interested in has called or texted her back. He was texting with her all day yesterday, and now all of a sudden, the messages have stopped. Maybe he's just busy... or maybe he's changed his mind about her? Did he 'come to his senses' and realize she's not good enough after all? Maybe she'll send him one more message, just to see if he responds.
A writer feels paralyzed; none of the ideas he's already come up seem to be worth writing about and he's scrapped them all. Unless he can write the most expressive, significant, thought-provoking piece of prose, what's the point of even picking up the pen and getting started? No one wants to read something that's simply substandard, after all. He'd become the laughing stock of the writing community and never be taken seriously. He'll just wait for a better idea to come along...it's bound to happen sooner or later.
A woman constantly puts others before herself, helping out others in any way she possibly can, almost to the point of exhaustion. She feels guilty saying 'no' and rarely takes time for herself. She never asks for anything in return. But if she's not constantly showing her friends and family that she is always there in their times of need, what value does she hold to them?
According to Wikpedia:
Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be vulnerable in some way, or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one's self-image or ego.
A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future. This is a common trait, which only differs in degree between people. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_insecurity)
I'd venture to guess that the majority of those seeking counselling (and even those who do not) experience some form of insecurity in their lives. I'm not sure anyone is truly immune to it!
In my experience, it appears that many insecurities have arisen from a significant moment, or moments, in an individual's life during which he or she experienced hurt, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or shame. Those moments brought an insecurity to the forefront, and may have generalized to other aspects of the individual's life as time went on.
Perhaps our boy-obsessed girl experienced rejection by a significant person in her life - a previous relationship partner, a parent, maybe even a friend or colleague. The wound that resulted might never have fully healed, and now a strong sense of anxiety emerges whenever she is faced with the possibility that a new potential partner might turn her down.
Maybe our gentleman with writer's block was ridiculed by his peers when he was asked to share a short story in his Language Arts class in elementary school, and the memory of those comments continues to haunt him into his adult life. He strives for perfection and would rather avoid writing altogether than face criticism, because the pain would simply be too much to take.
It's possible that someone once became angry with our our perpetual helper when she said "no" to a request. Now, she fears that she will lose friendships if she tries to set stronger boundaries for herself, and it's easier to say "yes" than to feel that sense of betrayal.
Insecurities contribute to stress, anxiety, and a whole host of other psychological -- and even physiological -- symptoms. One study, for example, demonstrated that insecure teenagers experienced increased levels of depression as well as amplified feelings of physical pain than their less-insecure counterparts (Grohol, 2009).
In my practice, I've often shifted the focus of my discussions with clients to try toidentify the nature of their insecurities as well as those significant moments that served as the root cause for their anxieties to develop. When these questions are honestly and accurately answered, then the feelings that developed at those critical times are more likely to be resolved, increased levels of security and confidence become possible, and significant progress can be made toward achieving a sense of mental health and wellness.
A writer feels paralyzed; none of the ideas he's already come up seem to be worth writing about and he's scrapped them all. Unless he can write the most expressive, significant, thought-provoking piece of prose, what's the point of even picking up the pen and getting started? No one wants to read something that's simply substandard, after all. He'd become the laughing stock of the writing community and never be taken seriously. He'll just wait for a better idea to come along...it's bound to happen sooner or later.
A woman constantly puts others before herself, helping out others in any way she possibly can, almost to the point of exhaustion. She feels guilty saying 'no' and rarely takes time for herself. She never asks for anything in return. But if she's not constantly showing her friends and family that she is always there in their times of need, what value does she hold to them?
* * * * *
Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be vulnerable in some way, or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one's self-image or ego.
A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future. This is a common trait, which only differs in degree between people. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_insecurity)
* * * * *
In my experience, it appears that many insecurities have arisen from a significant moment, or moments, in an individual's life during which he or she experienced hurt, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or shame. Those moments brought an insecurity to the forefront, and may have generalized to other aspects of the individual's life as time went on.
Perhaps our boy-obsessed girl experienced rejection by a significant person in her life - a previous relationship partner, a parent, maybe even a friend or colleague. The wound that resulted might never have fully healed, and now a strong sense of anxiety emerges whenever she is faced with the possibility that a new potential partner might turn her down.
Maybe our gentleman with writer's block was ridiculed by his peers when he was asked to share a short story in his Language Arts class in elementary school, and the memory of those comments continues to haunt him into his adult life. He strives for perfection and would rather avoid writing altogether than face criticism, because the pain would simply be too much to take.
It's possible that someone once became angry with our our perpetual helper when she said "no" to a request. Now, she fears that she will lose friendships if she tries to set stronger boundaries for herself, and it's easier to say "yes" than to feel that sense of betrayal.
Insecurities contribute to stress, anxiety, and a whole host of other psychological -- and even physiological -- symptoms. One study, for example, demonstrated that insecure teenagers experienced increased levels of depression as well as amplified feelings of physical pain than their less-insecure counterparts (Grohol, 2009).
In my practice, I've often shifted the focus of my discussions with clients to try toidentify the nature of their insecurities as well as those significant moments that served as the root cause for their anxieties to develop. When these questions are honestly and accurately answered, then the feelings that developed at those critical times are more likely to be resolved, increased levels of security and confidence become possible, and significant progress can be made toward achieving a sense of mental health and wellness.
Further discussion... If you are a mental health professional, what are some of the best strategies you have found to address issues of insecurity and anxiety with your clients?
Good post! I like the idea of tracing feelings of insecurity and anxiety back to a root cause or event. I think this sort of strategy will be more successful in the long run.
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