Life is a therapist...

Bullying. It's one of the main issues on everyone's radar these days. We hear stories from our friends or our kids; feature films double as public service announcements highlighting the consequences of schoolyard or online bullying; news programs report on teenagers who have been teased and tormented to their breaking point and see no other option but to take their own lives. We talk about the need to stand up to bullies. We are all encouraged to speak up and speak out for our peers, for those who may feel helpless or defenseless against their perpetrators. We are taught that we should be a part of the solution, or else we are part of the problem. I believe these are all strong, powerful, and necessary messages. They challenge us all to do more and discourage us from turning a blind eye to a problem that I believe is societal, not individual, in nature. We often hear these messages in relation to school-age bullying. As adults, we might have the tendency to think that b...

I saw a video on YouTube today that evoked a surprisingly strong emotional reaction in me ... so I thought I'd write about it. First, I invite you to watch the video for yourself and consider your own reactions: I felt two things simultaneously as I watched, particularly as the 0:59 mark approached. First, I couldn't help but smile. I felt like laughing out loud. And in fact, that's precisely what I did, several times! . . . And then, I also felt a strong urge to cry. There was a lump in my throat that lingered, even after the video had stopped. What was going on here? As I thought more about my reaction, I realized that I felt like laughing because Matt's dancing just looked so silly and fun. Everyone who joined him seemed genuinely cheerful and happy, smiling and dancing along with him. It individuals from all over the world coming together to participate in an amazing display of -- well -- togetherness.   Then I realized, I felt like crying for exact...

September 1 was unofficially observed as Random Acts of Kindness  day in several countries around the world, including the United States and New Zealand. There are a number of psychological benefits to engaging in acts of kindness. Kindness is correlated with higher levels of subjective happiness, which in turn is correlated with enhanced social relationships, more positive life experiences, lower levels of psychopathology, and increased satisfaction with life in general ( Otake et al., 2006 ). In one study conducted by researchers in Japan, it was hypothesized that becoming more conscious of how many kind acts one performed throughout the day would result in individuals experiencing a greater motivation to continue being kind to others, to identify themselves as kind people, to increase the frequency of future kind behaviours... and to feel a greater sense of happiness. Indeed, when the researchers asked a group of students to count their acts of kindness, their hypothese...

A girl continuously checks her phone to see if the boy she's interested in has called or texted her back. He was texting with her all day yesterday, and now all of a sudden, the messages have stopped. Maybe he's just busy... or maybe he's changed his mind about her? Did he 'come to his senses' and realize she's not good enough after all? Maybe she'll send him one more message, just to see if he responds.  A writer feels paralyzed; none of the ideas he's already come up seem to be worth writing about and he's scrapped them all. Unless he can write the most expressive, significant, thought-provoking piece of prose, what's the point of even picking up the pen and getting started? No one wants to read something that's simply substandard, after all. He'd become the laughing stock of the writing community and never be taken seriously. He'll just wait for a better idea to come along...it's bound to happen sooner or later.   A woman c...

Hi there, long lost blogger friends! I apologize - again - for having fallen off the face of the interwebs. The last several months have been somewhat overwhelming for me as I attempt to settle in to a new position and I have also been battling some health demons recently, draining me of any excess energy I might have had. Please bear with me as I make a concerted effort to revive my online presence in the coming weeks and months! For real this time! ~ss~

I have been out of the private practice loop for a couple of months now because I haven't been getting too many referrals. I have a couple of 'regular' clients who generally tend to book every one to three weeks with me, but they haven't called to rebook sessions for a while now. I've thought about calling them to  'check in' since it's been so unlike them to leave so much time between sessions, but am torn as to whether this would be a good idea or not. On the one hand, check-in calls could reassure clients that you're there for them even when they aren't physically in session with you, and that you cared enough to follow up and see if they're okay. They might feel appreciative of having the opportunity to talk about anything troubling or stressful that might be going for them, and the call could serve as a friendly reminder that support remains available should they wish to resume therapy in the future. On the other hand, checking in c...

Hello everyone who reads this blog on a regular basis! Yes, all three of you! :) Just a short note to say that I've not forgotten about this blog. ... okay, maybe I did, just a little, over the holidays. But then I remembered, but then life became (and continues to be) a little bit stressful, leaving little time nor motivation to think of fun, creative, thought-provoking things to write about here. But it's my post-new-year's resolution to get back into blogging as soon as things settle down a little bit, so please, stay tuned. And share this link with your like-minded "helping profession" friends, with promises of good things to come in 2012. Thanks!

It was suggested by celebrity diet guru Pierre Dukan that childhood obesity in France be resolved by offering extra exam grades to students who participate in an "ideal weight" program, who slim down, and who maintain a BMI within a certain range. To see the full story,  Click Here . First of all, let me say that I absolutely support any program that would provide students with opportunities to learn about healthy eating habits, nutrition, exercise, and physical health in general; I'm also very much in favour of schools offering healthier choices to students in cafeterias, vending machines, etc.  However, I wonder about the potential short- and long-term consequences of implementing a system of reward that is based solely on whether students meet a specified weight goal, particularly one that is determined by a tool that has widely been considered arbitrary and inadequate -- the BMI index.  It's been argued time and again that BMIs and "skinniness...

The majority of clients I see in my private practice are female. I have noticed that I tend to approach therapy from a different perspective when I see male clients, and I decided I might share some of my thoughts on the subject here. Although this has not always been the case, I've noticed some patterns that have often occurred amongst my male clients: Less willingness (ability?) to discuss their issues in terms of feeling and emotion; Attending sessions because others (i.e., their girlfriends or wives) want them to, not because they really want or feel they need to be there;  Wanting quick, immediate answers to their problems (which sometimes leads to pushiness or impatience).  Unwillingness to explore seemingly unrelated matters (i.e., childhood issues, relationships with parents [past or present], relationships with other people).  I've also come to realize that sometimes I might approach therapy differently not because these patterns exist, but because I ha...

Recently, I've started putting the feelers out for other work opportunities. A couple of prospects seem quite promising, and while it's exciting to think about transitioning into something new, it's creating a lot of anxiety as well because it will require me having to make some big decisions, all by myself...a skill I have yet to fully master. There are other correctional centres (at a higher level of government) that might be available and that I have been told I would be a very good candidate for, given my experience. I submitted a resume and a good friend who works there already says she put in a good word for me. It's been several weeks and I haven't yet heard anything back...... even though the hiring manager pushed my friend to push me to get my resume in ASAP. I'm  weary of the time it's taken for him to get back to me and I'm wondering how viable an option this will really wind up being. The more promising option is this. I recently met with...

I recently completed the first of three modules in a course on text-based counselling, or "cybercounselling". I'm interested in learning more about this fascinating method of service delivery so that I can eventually expand my own practice and reach out to a wider population of clients. I had a lot of questions about e-counselling before I started the course (and still have many now!). Murphy and Mitchell (1998) address many of them in their article, "When writing helps to heal: E-mail as therapy" . According to these authors, one of the primary concerns with online counselling is the question of whether a strong therapeutic alliance can be established. They posit that "a growing relaxation, informality, receptivity and trust" (p. 22) are among the primary components of a therapeutic alliance. They cite previous research suggesting that the actual method of communication has minimal effect on the strength of relationships formed, that any differenc...

There's some things that I regret Some words I wish had gone unsaid Some starts That had some bitter endings Been some bad times I've been through Damage I could not undo Some things I wish I could do all all over again But it don't really matter When life gets that much harder It makes you that much stronger Some pages turned Some bridges burned But there were lessons learned Every tear that had to fall from my eyes Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night Every change life has thrown me I'm thankful for every break in my heart I'm grateful for every scar Some pages turned Some bridges burned But there were lessons learned There's mistakes that I have made Some chances I just threw away Some roads I never should've taken Been some signs I didn't see Hearts that I hurt needlessly Some wounds That I wish I could have one more chance to mend But it don't make no difference The past can't be rewritten You get the life you're g...

My parents have been married for nearly 30 years. The only real piece of relationship advice they've ever imparted on me is this: "Respect each other."  So often, we lash out in anger or frustration, only to feel regretful once we've calmed down and regained perspective. How many times have you heard, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that" after an especially hurtful exchange, with the expectation that all would somehow magically be forgotten? When we're angry, our defenses go up. Our adrenalin pumps. We're flooded with emotion. We want the [perceived] source(s) of our anger to be perfectly aware of what they've done to create this feeling for us. And thus, we become more uninhibited and apt to express ourselves in ways that perhaps we ordinarily would not. Suddenly, "I feel hurt that you forgot our anniversary" becomes, "You're a selfish, inconsiderate jerk who never thinks about my feelings and I hate you!" I w...

In  this post , I contemplated the influence that a psychologist's personal life could have on his or her professional life. But what about the reverse? How does my profession influence the way I interact with others in my personal life, or in the ways they interact with me? When I was still an undergrad doing my bachelor's degree in Psychology, I was worried that a new, but close, friend of mine might be suicidal. When I started to ask her more questions to figure out whether she was in danger of hurting herself, she told me to stop, that I wasn't her "psychology guinea pig". It turned out that she was, in fact, suicidal, and a couple of years later she wound up apologizing for hurtful comments she made and reassured me that they were more about her than they ever were about me. But it got me thinking. Months ago, a close friend disclosed that she had been sexually assaulted when she was younger. I was apparently the first person she had opened up to in years...

Despite my greatest intentions, my motivation is running a little low these days and I've struggled to come up with new and interesting topics to write about. So I want to ask you: What interests you? What do you want to learn more about? What do you want to know my thoughts or perspectives on? Comment here with your ideas and I'll use them as starting points for future blog posts. Perhaps this will be the spark my creativity needs to get pumping again :)

I often struggle with how to end sessions with my clients, particularly following a difficult or distressing session. More than once it has happened where a flood of emotion is experienced just as our time is about to come to an end; most recently one of my clients came to the realization that her experiences growing up with an alcoholic father and overbearing mother were affecting her own relationships with men. She sat quietly for 45 minutes, answering my questions and relating painful memories, but it was only as we were wrapping up our hour that she became tearful, relating how she had never before put the puzzle pieces together in quite the way that we just had. We discussed how we could work through some of these issues more fully in future sessions and my client was very amenable to this, but I couldn't help but feel guilty for leaving her with this "unfinished" business. I have noticed that I feel this way at the end of many sessions, and end up feeling obligate...

In my Internet travels this afternoon, I discovered this very interesting and thought-provoking article originally published in the Washington Post. I have decided to register for a certification training course in "Cybercounselling" -- that is, the online delivery of psychological services -- which I plan to post more about as soon as I find a few extra spare minutes in my day, but in the mean time I thought I would post this article for your perusal.  Google and Facebook raise new issues for therapists and their clients   By Dana Scarton Special to The Washington Post Tuesday, March 30, 2010; HE01  Link to original: Click Here   As his patient lay unconscious in an emergency room from an overdose of sedatives, psychiatrist Damir Huremovic was faced with a moral dilemma: A friend of the patient had forwarded to Huremovic a suicidal e-mail from the patient that included a link to a Web site and blog he wrote. Should Huremovic go online and check it out,...

Ov er the weekend I stumbled onto a blog that seems to be exactly what I've been searching for in terms of practical ideas for counselling rather than just overviews of various theories and methodologies. It is the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA)'s Counselling Connect , the "new blog where you will find stories, perspectives and ideas about the profession of counselling and psychotherapy in Canada."  So far I love it, and I hope you will too! I've already been inspired by new ideas for my own practice as well as information on continuing education and certification courses that are available to me. The tags are very helpful in bringing you to the specific posts that will be of most interest/relevance to you. My only real disappointment is that, so far, there doesn't seem to be very much in the way of commenting or discussions. I am hesitant to leave many comments of my own as a result -- cue memories of being back in the classroom ...

There was a young woman I saw several times at the correctional facility I work at. Several sessions into our work together, we began discussing her past in the context of more recent grief issues that had come up for her. As we talked, it became clear that she was holding in a lot of anger, resentment, and pain from past traumatic experiences and that she had buried her emotions so deeply that she had, in essence, forgotten how to "feel" them. She would talk about the experiences and losses with about as much emotion as she might talk about what she ate for dinner yesterday. There appeared to be a complete disconnect. I thought about asking my client to start a journal to begin the process of reconnection, thinking that free-flow writing might begin to awaken and evoke those emotions, and help her to identify her feelings. I had seen these results in other clients who have used journaling as an effective therapeutic tool. However, my client's reading and writing skills...

I think that most people who pursue a career in psychology do so, at least in part, because they are caring, compassionate, and concerned for the mental and emotional well-being of others. They "want to help people", cliche as that sounds. They want to help others overcome emotional hardship and to come out of therapy feeling stronger and more confident than they went in. While these are the reasons I was personally drawn to psychology, they are also the reasons I have often struggled with the hard, cruel, frustrating, ever-present reality... You can't always make it better. Not that I ever expect to be able to "fix" anybody. I get that that isn't my responsibility. I understand that people need to take control of their own lives and destinies and I generally consider myself to be a facilitator more than anything, standing beside my clients as they embark upon their own journeys of self-discovery and healing. I use various therapeutic skills to empower m...